Forgiveness means…

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.
~Lily Tomlin

When I have used this quote, people often have to think a moment before they get their head around the concept.  For me, it has been a lifesaver.  Once I can accept what has already taken place, and know that it cannot be changed, it is much easier to let go of it.  And forgiveness is all about letting go.  Happy Wisdom Wednesday!

 

No Place Like Home

Although I thoroughly enjoyed connecting with extended family over the weekend, I am happy to be home. After arriving home from my grandfather’s memorial, we celebrated my mother’s birthday with immediate family. Now I am composing this post on the 45-minute drive home.

I look forward to my dog bombarding me as I walk through the front door, much like Dino did Fred. I look forward to seeing my teenage son who could not make it to dinner. I am also looking forward to snuggling up with hubby in own bed. It’s good to be back in my own familiar environment. As Dorothy said, “There’s no place like home.”

Radical Change

Sometimes we need a little change. My mom always used to say when she wanted to change her luck she would change her purse.

This was me a few nights ago.

This was me a few nights ago.

 

Sometimes we need radical change. I know when I want the energy in my life to shift I have to do something more.

This is me in my daughter's kitchen this afternoon.  My hair has grown down to my waist.

This is me in my daughter’s kitchen this afternoon. My hair has grown down to my waist.

Yesterday I got a “wild hair,” so to speak, and decided to do something radical.  So I made an appointment with my daughter for a haircut.

This is the braid I frequently wear.

This is the braid I frequently wear.

It was not my original intent, but I will now research how to donate my braid.

This is the braid I frequently wore... now detached.

This is the braid I frequently wore… now detached.

Here  is the finished product.   My daughter is a talented cosmetologist.    And I do feel my energy has shifted.  Mission accomplished!

Me tonight after a radical change.  Feels great!

Me tonight after a radical change. Feels great!

Finding Dimes

finiding dimes

I have to preface this post by saying that I had drafted a post prior that was about writing “fluff” for the sake of keeping my writing agreement.  I wasn’t judging myself, but I was committing to writing the posts that had been lurking in my head but I had not taken the time to write.  Ironically, I lost the draft in cyberspace.  I have never had that happen.  It literally disappeared.  So instead of trying to recreate that post, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and get one of the defining moments of my life out of my head and out into the blogosphere.

People that know me know I tend to be a bit “airy fairy.”  (If you are intuitive, a healer, or have some other spiritual gift, please don’t think I am being flippant.  I believe the reason Angels can fly is because they take things lightly… including themselves.)  I am always looking for signs and symbols.  I consult my dream book on a regular basis.  And I have had lots of uncanny experiences.  I have no problem with the the notion that I have these because I am looking for them.  I do believe that perception is reality.

A few months after my dad passed away, I began finding dimes.  It struck me as odd because I began to realize it was always dimes, not quarters or pennies, not other objects, but dimes specifically.  I found them everywhere and often.  The first few times, I thought little of it.  After a few weeks, I began to think about this oddity more and more.  I had never heard of anyone else having this experience, but it had become so pronounced that I began to talk about it to other people.  Finally, my teenage son decide he would “Google it.”

Knowing my son, I don’t think he really expected to find anything.  I think he was doing it more for comic relief because he was sick of me telling him where I found my latest dime.  I was blown away when I read all the accounts of people who had begun finding dimes after losing a loved one.  Much of what I read held that finding dimes in random places were signs from a loved one that had passed.  Some think the message is specific, other think it can be very individualized.  Now before I lose you, hear me out on this.  It doesn’t matter whether you believe this or if you think it is utter nonsense.  When I read the internet articles on the subject I gained something very valuable.

I chose, after reading extensively on the subject, to view these dimes as a message from my father.  This message was one of love and comfort.  My dad had a way of letting me know things were going to be all right, especially when it seemed as though things were hopeless.  Notice I said, “chose.”

Whether the fact that the dime is the thinnest coin, with the smallest diameter, thus easily lost, or whether it is an instrument of communication used by those from the great beyond is irrelevant.  For me, the end result is the same.  When I find a dime in the washing machine, on our lawn, under the seat of my car, or at the bottom of a swimming pool, I heed the message.  It doesn’t matter whether this message is from the great beyond or from my own memory banks.  “Dad loves me, and it’s going to be all right” comes across loud and clear.

I didn’t do it initially, but now when I find a dime, I keep it.  I had a pile of them on the nightstand beside my bed.  Now they are on the top of my dresser beside some flowers from my father’s memorial service.  They serve as a daily reminder that I am loved and that everything will be all right.

Do you have any signs or reminders for yourself?

The Power of Prayer

Holding another person in prayer has a profound effect on me.  I have been holding someone in prayer today as part of an intentional spiritual exercise.  As this person crosses my mind throughout the day, I envision him with his prayers already answered.  In return, this same person is praying for me.  Knowing this is comforting.  As we are intentionally praying for each other, I am reminded that I am not alone in my struggles.    

 

 

 

Blogging and Mental Health

I’ve tried to keep my blog posts as positive as I possibly can since my accident back in November.  Unfortunately, the denial of my own fears and anxieties has only allowed them to incubate.  So it is likely I will posting some more transparent posts, at least for the next week.  I have been tasked with recording what I am actually thinking and feeling.  While I won’t do all of that here, I will be processing those thoughts and feelings so they will likely come out in my writing.

Part of the reason I blog in the first place is because it is therapeutic.  I respect and admire other bloggers who bare their souls on the page.  I feel their brutal honesty is as helpful to others as it is for themselves.  So as I embark on my journey into the belly of the beast, I am reminded of a couple of bloggers whose writings have been helpful to me.

When I first came back to blogging, I stumbled across SchizoIncognito.com.  The tagline, “the incoherent ramblings of a mentally ill writer and blogger” is witty.  I assure you the blogger who refers to himself as “the Schizo” does anything but incoherently ramble.  He is open, honest, and gives voice to those, like himself, who struggle with mental illness.  He gives me the courage to say out loud that I am a person who struggles with anxiety and Acute Stress Disorder, and who is facing a possible Post Traumatic Stress Disorder diagnosis.

More recently, I happened upon teddylee’sblog.  Teddy talks openly about abuse and it’s effects.  He openly processes his childhood out in blogosphere, for the whole world to read.  He speaks plainly and truthfully.  I cannot help but admire his bravery.  In spite of his childhood experiences, and seemingly rough exterior, he has a sweet spirit that comes through in his writing.  He gives me hope that I can let go of past experiences that haunt me.  He also reminds me that those past experiences have helped shape who I have become… and I am okay with that (I actually like who I am now).

So this week, as I begin to record those thoughts and feelings that I would much prefer to avoid, please forgive me in advance if some of it oozes out onto my blog.  Better yet, I hope someone out there will find it beneficial, just as I have found the two blogs mentioned here to be.

Renewal

On this, the first day of Spring, I was thinking about renewal.  The skeletal trees begin to bud.  Tufts of green start to peek out of the once frozen ground.  I don’t know about you, but I sure could use some renewal… renewal of my mind, body, and spirit.  

Turnaround Tuesday

This morning was difficult.  I had lots of fatigue, pain, and stiffness.  I got out of bed at 6:00 am, and made my way to the couch where I slept another 4 hours.  When I did get up, I didn’t feel like doing anything.  I made myself go to the YMCA, where I got into the whirlpool and sauna.  This coupled with the fact that it was sunny and warm (79 degrees) really helped my spirits (and body).  We also had dinner delivered by the angel that has been cooking for us on Tuesdays.  Now it is evening and I am feeling much better… and grateful for all the things that have turned my day from a rough one to a pleasant one.

Day of Rest

I was dreading setting the clock back to standard time today, since we “lose” an hour.  As it turns out, I didn’t lose a thing.  Hubby and I stayed in bed late since we had no children at home.  Once I was up and moving, I went outside for a walk, which I’ve only recently been able to do.  It was much slower and shorter than my walks used to be, but an outdoors walk nonetheless.  Although it was a bit chilly, the sun and fresh air were invigorating.  When I returned home, I fixed myself a delicious, nutrition packed smoothie.  Then I settled in for a day of reading, mostly on spirituality and health, and a few blogs.  I stopped long enough to fix a quick dinner for my husband and myself.  Afterward, I went back to my reading.

I am still building my stamina since my accident, so when I became tired I simply retired to the couch for a nap.  (There was a time when “nap” wasn’t in my vocabulary.  Now it is a regularly used term.)  At some point, it dawned on me that I was very relaxed.

Relaxation is something I had great difficulty experiencing six months ago.  I was always in hyper-drive.  My naturopath told me I had no low gear.  My adrenal glands were shot.  If I sat still for more than a few minutes, I fell asleep.  Of course, I didn’t ever sit still for very long.  I was up at 4 or 5 o’clock and didn’t stop moving until I went to bed, at which point I was utterly exhausted.

Today, as I sit in a virtually silent house, I feel the calm inside my body and mind.  I enjoy simple pleasures like a long shower in the middle of the day and I don’t feel guilty for what I’m not getting done.  I know that rejuvenating myself this way will allow me to accomplish what needs to be done later without robbing myself of the joy of simply living and being.

Forgiveness is …

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
~Mark Twain

Compassion for those who have hurt us brings healing to both, regardless of what action we must take.  On this Wisdom Wednesday, I encourage you to let go of some resentment or anger you have been harboring.  Send compassion to the person who upset you, even if it is in the confines of your own heart.