Forgiveness means…

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.
~Lily Tomlin

When I have used this quote, people often have to think a moment before they get their head around the concept.  For me, it has been a lifesaver.  Once I can accept what has already taken place, and know that it cannot be changed, it is much easier to let go of it.  And forgiveness is all about letting go.  Happy Wisdom Wednesday!

 

Simply Keeping My Commitment

I guess I am catching up from an emotional weekend, as I scraped myself out of bed at 10:00 this morning.  I managed to get caught up on some email and sort of cook dinner (tuna salad sandwiches and soup).  I helped my son with homework and here I am, at the end of the day, keeping my blogging commitment.  I still haven’t completely unpacked my suitcase, but I hope to get it done before bed.  Oh, and I need to take a shower… if I want to sleep in bed tonight.

Incidentally, I am taking part in a blogging challenge (which began today) to continue growing and improving my blog.  I said I was not going to share my goals publicly, but I am going to be getting those goals written down for myself tonight.  So you will hopefully notice some improvements in the next couple of weeks.  For tonight, I am simply keeping my commitment to write.

 

 

 

 

Bent Time

I have been reading a book that explores, among other things, the concept of time.  Incidentally, I am also preparing to embark on a journey that I know will distort time.  My mother and I will be traveling to Colorado to attend her father’s memorial service.

Something I have noticed is that death seems to slow time for those who suffer loss.  Maybe it’s because we become more aware in the days following the death of a loved one, and maybe it’s because we simply slow down.  Either way, I have noticed that the time immediately following a loss or tragedy seems to become a precious capsule to be cherished.

I remember the time surrounding a life threatening surgery my Dad underwent several years ago.  The trip to Florida, the night preceding the surgery, and the moments just before he was wheeled into surgery (in particular) are etched into my brain.  The weeks, days, and months just before my father’s death are even more clear in my mind. And I suspect this weekend will become burned into my memory just as clearly.

I was not close to my grandfather, but my relationship with my mother will make this weekend one of those time-bent weekends.  We will be spending hours in airports and on an airplane together.  Then we will spend a weekend focused on the life and death of the primary man in my mother’s life.  Time will slow and, at times, stand still.

I know these moments frozen in time will become a pat of our life stories.  So I am ready.  I am ready to take in the stories, feel the agony of loss and the joy of reminiscence, and enjoy the time with my mother.  And I am grateful that time bends to make these times stand out in our memories.

Radical Change

Sometimes we need a little change. My mom always used to say when she wanted to change her luck she would change her purse.

This was me a few nights ago.

This was me a few nights ago.

 

Sometimes we need radical change. I know when I want the energy in my life to shift I have to do something more.

This is me in my daughter's kitchen this afternoon.  My hair has grown down to my waist.

This is me in my daughter’s kitchen this afternoon. My hair has grown down to my waist.

Yesterday I got a “wild hair,” so to speak, and decided to do something radical.  So I made an appointment with my daughter for a haircut.

This is the braid I frequently wear.

This is the braid I frequently wear.

It was not my original intent, but I will now research how to donate my braid.

This is the braid I frequently wore... now detached.

This is the braid I frequently wore… now detached.

Here  is the finished product.   My daughter is a talented cosmetologist.    And I do feel my energy has shifted.  Mission accomplished!

Me tonight after a radical change.  Feels great!

Me tonight after a radical change. Feels great!

The Help

The primary focus of my blog is support.  The support we get from others is what makes navigating our paths easier, if not more enjoyable.  Today I want to acknowledge some of the help I’ve had this week as I travel my path.  I am grateful that these people have helped me this week.  By no means is this an all-inclusive list.  It is simply a representation of how blessed I am.

To Karen, thank you for helping me get more connected with my spiritual community.  To Laura, thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs with me, as well as breakfast.  To Kimberly, thank you for sharing your daughter with us, and for taking the time to find out we have so much in common.  To Laurie, thank you for your gift of music and your smiling face (and for helping me find what I needed a couple of weeks ago).  To Antoinette, thank you for helping me find a piano teacher for Taylor.  To Bailey, thank you for putting together my raised bed and planting my veggies.  To Colette, thank you for helping me rephrase my self talk.  To John, thank you for helping me find my inner warrior again.  To Todd, thank you for lifting me up in prayer daily.  To Aunt Andrea, thank you for your love… you’ll never know how much I admire you.  To Kelly, thank you for your endless love and support… without you, life would be much harder and much less fun.

Today I encourage you to express gratitude for the help in your life.  Express it to them, and express it here if you like.

Finding Dimes

finiding dimes

I have to preface this post by saying that I had drafted a post prior that was about writing “fluff” for the sake of keeping my writing agreement.  I wasn’t judging myself, but I was committing to writing the posts that had been lurking in my head but I had not taken the time to write.  Ironically, I lost the draft in cyberspace.  I have never had that happen.  It literally disappeared.  So instead of trying to recreate that post, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and get one of the defining moments of my life out of my head and out into the blogosphere.

People that know me know I tend to be a bit “airy fairy.”  (If you are intuitive, a healer, or have some other spiritual gift, please don’t think I am being flippant.  I believe the reason Angels can fly is because they take things lightly… including themselves.)  I am always looking for signs and symbols.  I consult my dream book on a regular basis.  And I have had lots of uncanny experiences.  I have no problem with the the notion that I have these because I am looking for them.  I do believe that perception is reality.

A few months after my dad passed away, I began finding dimes.  It struck me as odd because I began to realize it was always dimes, not quarters or pennies, not other objects, but dimes specifically.  I found them everywhere and often.  The first few times, I thought little of it.  After a few weeks, I began to think about this oddity more and more.  I had never heard of anyone else having this experience, but it had become so pronounced that I began to talk about it to other people.  Finally, my teenage son decide he would “Google it.”

Knowing my son, I don’t think he really expected to find anything.  I think he was doing it more for comic relief because he was sick of me telling him where I found my latest dime.  I was blown away when I read all the accounts of people who had begun finding dimes after losing a loved one.  Much of what I read held that finding dimes in random places were signs from a loved one that had passed.  Some think the message is specific, other think it can be very individualized.  Now before I lose you, hear me out on this.  It doesn’t matter whether you believe this or if you think it is utter nonsense.  When I read the internet articles on the subject I gained something very valuable.

I chose, after reading extensively on the subject, to view these dimes as a message from my father.  This message was one of love and comfort.  My dad had a way of letting me know things were going to be all right, especially when it seemed as though things were hopeless.  Notice I said, “chose.”

Whether the fact that the dime is the thinnest coin, with the smallest diameter, thus easily lost, or whether it is an instrument of communication used by those from the great beyond is irrelevant.  For me, the end result is the same.  When I find a dime in the washing machine, on our lawn, under the seat of my car, or at the bottom of a swimming pool, I heed the message.  It doesn’t matter whether this message is from the great beyond or from my own memory banks.  “Dad loves me, and it’s going to be all right” comes across loud and clear.

I didn’t do it initially, but now when I find a dime, I keep it.  I had a pile of them on the nightstand beside my bed.  Now they are on the top of my dresser beside some flowers from my father’s memorial service.  They serve as a daily reminder that I am loved and that everything will be all right.

Do you have any signs or reminders for yourself?

I’d rather regret…

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.
~Lucille Ball

I have learned not to regret even the stupid things I’ve done because I have learned from them.  And I plan to do the things I would regret “not doing” someday, as often as I possibly can.  This might range from learning something new to making amends with someone I’ve wronged.  Have a Wonderful Wisdom Wednesday!      

Spring Cleaning

Last night I dreamed that I was in a house full of random furniture for which I had no room.  Try as I might, I couldn’t figure out how to maneuver the furniture so that it would all work together in the house.  I always heed the symbolic messages I receive, so as soon as I remembered the dream I began researching.  

The dream book to which I usually refer indicated that there are things in my life that need clearing.  I immediately thought of all the things I need to trash, give away, or organize.  Because of my accident in November, I am still unable to do what  would be necessary to handle all of this, so I did the next best thing.  I hired somebody to come help me get these projects I’ve been putting off done.  

Granted, the job isn’t done yet, but knowing I have a plan makes me feel better already.  I am planning exactly what I want done, so the job can be completed efficiently.  And silly as it may sound, I feel good about the fact that I am listening to my subconscious and handling the matters that are lurking in the corners of my mind.  This will keep my physical space clear, as well as my mental space.  

 

 

 

Ancora Imparo

Leonardo DaVinci and Michelangelo (even at the age of 87) were said to have used the phrase “ancora imparo” often.  The Italian phrase means “I am still learning.”  When I think of such remarkable men, I consider myself in good company, as I too am still learning.  

At the age of 34, I earned a bachelor’s degree.  At 43, I sang at an open mic night for the first time (at the Bluebird Cafe).  At 45, I learned how to ride a motorcycle, I became a certified Zumba instructor, and I began blogging.  At 48, I ran my first 5K.  I’ve learned lots of things before and since, but I am happy to say that the older I get, the more eager I am to learn new things.

I think when we quit learning, we begin stagnating and dying.  And I find myself wondering, “What will I be learning when I am 87?”