So this will be the first time I have submitted a post twice on the same blog… not even on consecutive days! Tomorrow I officially begin my agreement to post every day. So I thought it would be nice to go the extra mile and post tonight (before it is actually required).
I was talking to my sister today about this blog and how I was keeping it private… and that my husband says, “That’s a diary.” We also talked about how other successful bloggers kept theirs private for awhile too. I have to laugh at myself a little bit when I think of how silly it all seems. But being able to laugh at myself is very freeing. It hasn’t been too long ago that laughing at myself didn’t feel good.
I also spoke to my accountability partner and one other person about “my blog” today. They didn’t seem phased. I am noticing that when I talk about “posting on my blog,” it feels less phony each time I say it out loud. I am seeing that the person that is the most critical of me is me. Having this understanding is helping me push through the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable.
Anyway, I have been listening to Ekhart Tolle’s Practicing the Power of Now (for the bazillionth time) in the car. As if trying to remember, my 10-year-old asked, “Why are we listening to this again?” We had a brief conversation about dwelling on the past and worrying about the future, and it occurred to me that I am projecting into the future every time I worry what people will think of my writing… or me… or anything else I do. So I am giving myself permission to write with no concern for the quality… or content for that matter. Today, my purpose is to overcome the fear of seeing my own words on the page and to simply write. I will work on the content, style, and technique when the time comes.