It’s hard to believe this is only the 5th day of January. I have already accomplished so much.
I joined a Year-long Agreement Group that met via conference call for the first time tonight. ( I was happy to report I was 5 for 5.) As a result, I have rekindled the blog I started last year (as an agreement in another group). I also finished writing the business plan that has been gradually forming in my mind for the past few years. My hope is that I will gain some momentum to catapult myself into this new year.
Silly as it may sound, the scariest thing I’ve done these past 5 days is make my blog public. If that weren’t enough, my husband asked me to send him the link. I casually sent him a text message with the URL. Then the butterflies and brain chatter began. I felt sick as I wondered, “Did I write anything that might offend him? Will he think my writing is stupid? Oh God! He won’t share the link with anyone else, will he?”
When he didn’t immediately log onto WordPress, I thought, “Good! Maybe he’ll forget.”
My husband is a computer guy, so it is not uncommon for him to spend much of the evening upstairs playing online video games, catching up on FaceBook and email, or checking out YouTube videos or forums to solve his latest mechanical or technical issue.
When he came to bed rather late last night, I was relieved that he had forgotten about my blog. That was, until he informed me that he had read the whole thing. Every post.
My stomach did the familiar flip flop it does when I find myself completely naked in public. Okay, that has never happened. But if it ever did… I’m sure that’s how I would have felt.
His comments were innocuous. “Interesting. You’ve written a lot.” And then he said he didn’t know that I had sung on cable. I immediately latched onto this comment. He either read it incorrectly or my writing wasn’t clear. I tried to recall the particular post to which he was referring. Like a squid, I immediately shot ink to confuse the attacker. I was attempting to deflect the attention away from myself and aim it toward a technicality.
And then it dawned on me. The only attacker there was me. I wasn’t being criticized in any way. It had been a very matter-of-fact discussion. I also realized that my heart was still beating and I was still breathing. Someone who really knows me read every word on my blog. He didn’t spit on my computer. He didn’t point at me and laugh hysterically. He didn’t post nasty comments on my site. And I lived to blog about it.