Sometime today it dawned on me that I had broken my agreement to post every day this year. I did not post yesterday and didn’t even think about it. I thought this was strange since my blogging has become so habitual.
At first I was angry with myself for breaking my agreement. Then I remembered, I keep agreements to expand myself not to punish myself. Then I counted to see how many days in a row I had posted. I actually started a couple of days before the new year began, so I had a total of 213 posts in a row.
So the conversation has been going back and forth in my head periodically throughout the day.
“I can’t believe I didn’t even think about it!”
“It’s not the end of the world.”
“No matter what I do now, I can’t complete the agreement to post every day this year.”
“It’s not about perfection. It’s about pushing yourself.”
Then, as I observe the voices in my head, I laugh at how funny it all is. Me, arguing with myself… and all over something that is already done.
So now I am recommitting to my agreement to post every day for the rest of the year, accepting my imperfect record, and eager to see if I can complete the last 5 months of this year without missing a day. (If I was really interested in punishing myself, I would start all over again. Not happening!)
I am just going to keep reminding myself, 213 posts in a row… not too shabby.
My counselor gave me a journaling assignment today. She asked me if I had ever journaled and I told her that I write every day. Although it isn’t technically a journal, this blog often serves the same purpose. It lets me get my thoughts out of my head where I can then look at them from another perspective.
As I was driving home, I thought about all the writing I have been doing since I made my writing agreement for this year. I committed to beginning a larger writing project as a result of a class I am taking at my church. I am also doing some copywriting and have been asked to do some guest blogging.
I have always loved writing and have done lots of it over the years. The primary difference in the writing I did back then and the writing I am doing now, is that much of the writing I am doing now is out there for the world to see. I would not let others read my writing even up until this year.
On one hand, writing publicly is intimidating. On the other hand, it is very freeing. In a way, I feel like I have come out of hiding.
Now I must go begin an outline that I committed to draft, work on my journal entry, and begin drafting a blog post for another site… and I’m happy about this!
I’ve been really “stuck” the past few days. When I am in this mode, I play a lot of Solitaire. It gives my mind something to do that doesn’t require any emotional involvement. So tonight, rather than spending a lot of time thinking about my blog topic, I am going to go play Solitaire. Maybe tomorrow I will be “unstuck.”
It is after 11:00 PM. I have had a very full day and just got out of a seminar. In order to complete my writing agreement before midnight, I am sitting in a parking lot at a Taco Bell, composing this post on my phone. I have 15 minutes to complete my agreement for the day and was struggling to come up with an idea for a quick post after a long day. It then occurred to me that when I am determined to keep my word, I can find a way to do just about anything. So I will complete this post and then drive home… After I have a taco or two.
If it looks good, leave it.
If it sounds good, save it.
If it feels good, forge it.
Some days it is very easy to get my blog post done. Everything goes as planned. I’m not too busy. The stars are aligned just right. I am feeling creative and the words just flow into the text box.
Other days it seems nothing plays out the way I imagined it would. I have way too many things on my plate. My horoscope hints of impending doom. My cursor blinks, like the patting of a foot, awaiting the formulation of a thought.
Although today isn’t quite the latter scenario, it certainly isn’t the former either. But the bottom line is that I have made a commitment to myself. And one of the things I am working on is honoring my word. So tonight, at the end of a busy day, without a lot to say, I am writing this post… not because I have some wisdom to impart or because something bad will happen if I don’t, but because I said I would.
I just spent a significant amount of time drafting a post about an incident that occurred yesterday. I had been reading another blogger’s tips and was inspired to write this post rather than “saving it for later.” Because I had forgotten to create a password for the two-step authentication security setting on my WordPress app on my phone, I hit “save draft,” and “poof!” it was gone. I tried hitting the back arrow and hoped it would have saved the draft somewhere. No such luck. Well, it is nearly 11:00 PM on Easter Sunday. I have iPhoneography tomorrow (3rd Monday of the month is black-and-white… my favorite), so I will not be rewriting the post until Tuesday. In the meantime I will be working on the two-step authentication issue. Aaarrrggghhh!!!
Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis will notice the drastic change in my theme. As part of the current blog challenge in which I am participating, I was encouraged to change my blog’s look.
My favorite color (or non-color, I should say) is black. Most of my wardrobe is black (including my motorcycle gear). Whenever I am given a choice of colors in anything, I choose black. It is introspective, sleek, and classic. So for me to go from a mostly black blog to this bright, somewhat color-spattered theme is somewhat unsettling.
However, in the spirit of personal growth, I am going to leave this new theme in place for a few days to see if I can get used to it. If not, I can always go back to what is safe. Just out of curiosity, let me know what you think of the new look.
I guess I am catching up from an emotional weekend, as I scraped myself out of bed at 10:00 this morning. I managed to get caught up on some email and sort of cook dinner (tuna salad sandwiches and soup). I helped my son with homework and here I am, at the end of the day, keeping my blogging commitment. I still haven’t completely unpacked my suitcase, but I hope to get it done before bed. Oh, and I need to take a shower… if I want to sleep in bed tonight.
Incidentally, I am taking part in a blogging challenge (which began today) to continue growing and improving my blog. I said I was not going to share my goals publicly, but I am going to be getting those goals written down for myself tonight. So you will hopefully notice some improvements in the next couple of weeks. For tonight, I am simply keeping my commitment to write.
As the day comes to a close,
I try to come up with some poetry or prose.
Trying to think of something witty,
but the words just aren’t there… it’s such a pity.
So I guess I’ll retire for the night…
get some much needed rest for this writer’s plight.
And tomorrow I will try again,
to come up with something interesting to pen.