I was just thinking about how odd it feels, shopping for school supplies and school clothes for my children, and not going back to school myself. It is the first time in 15 years that I did not shop for my own classroom in August. My son will begin 6th grade on Monday, and I will continue my recovery.
Many of the people I love, and some of those I’ve lost, have tried to quit smoking. Some have been successful. Others have not. I support the Fight for Air Walk because the American Lung Association does help people quit smoking. My first walk was about the grieving process after losing my dad. This year’s walk was different. This was Daddies’ Girls third year walking and after my accident in November, I wasn’t sure I would be able to begin the walk, much less finish it. As it turns out, I was able to begin and I even finished. (My left hip is not happy with me.) Thank goodness for Ibuprofen!
A few months ago I posted about Why I Walk in the Fight for Air Walk. Here we are, one week away from the walk, and I am not as “ready” as I hoped I would be. My physical therapy has been discontinued, even though walking is still painful and sometimes quite difficult. This evening I went for a leisurely walk after dinner and now I am on the couch after taking 2 Ibuprofen, nursing a painful hip. I am determined not to let this keep me from the fundraiser to which I am committed. So rain or shine, whether I complete the walk or not (or whether I am even able to begin), I will be there to support my team. If you would like support me in raising money for the American Lung Association in the Fight for Air Walk click here.
I have been guilty of constantly worrying about everybody else and putting everyone else first. My sister once pointed out to me that I needed, not to move myself up on the list, but to put myself on the list. Fortunately, in my experience, most of the people in my life have loved and appreciated me, cared about my needs, and have not taken advantage of me.
Sometimes I am reminded that there are people out there that are more concerned with things, money, rules, and their own wants, than they are with the well-being of their fellow human beings. I consider these people a gift. They remind me to treat others with compassion. They remind me to be kind because we never know what another person is going through. And they remind me that sometimes I have to put myself first, and maybe put only me on the list.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. ~Confucius
This is my affirmation for myself on this Wisdom Wednesday. When I am feeling like I am not progressing quickly enough, I will remember the tortoise won the race.
I mentioned earlier this week, that I was hiring someone to help me with some clearing. Well today she started working on my son’s room. Ironically, the person that was helping me was someone I had met a few years ago and only today did I remember it. When I became reacquainted with this woman a few weeks ago, I kept saying that I knew her from somewhere but couldn’t place where. She was a teacher, but I knew we had never taught together, so I kept searching my memory banks but to no avail.
Today, I realized that I had been to her home for a Buddhist gathering with a mutual friend. It was such a relief to have finally solved the mystery and then I was able to enjoy getting to know her better. She shared her knowledge of Buddhism. I told her about my seeking. We talked about teaching and tutoring. And we cleared my son’s space.
It was fun to have someone nearly twenty years my senior, singing Elvis tunes, enthusiastically cleaning out a closet. She helped not only get a room in order, but she lifted my spirits as well. I love the way it feels when a transaction produces mutual benefit, like paying someone to do a job I cannot do. But I love it even more when I connect with another person and both of our lives are enriched in a variety of ways.
Last night I dreamed that I was in a house full of random furniture for which I had no room. Try as I might, I couldn’t figure out how to maneuver the furniture so that it would all work together in the house. I always heed the symbolic messages I receive, so as soon as I remembered the dream I began researching.
The dream book to which I usually refer indicated that there are things in my life that need clearing. I immediately thought of all the things I need to trash, give away, or organize. Because of my accident in November, I am still unable to do what would be necessary to handle all of this, so I did the next best thing. I hired somebody to come help me get these projects I’ve been putting off done.
Granted, the job isn’t done yet, but knowing I have a plan makes me feel better already. I am planning exactly what I want done, so the job can be completed efficiently. And silly as it may sound, I feel good about the fact that I am listening to my subconscious and handling the matters that are lurking in the corners of my mind. This will keep my physical space clear, as well as my mental space.
This morning was difficult. I had lots of fatigue, pain, and stiffness. I got out of bed at 6:00 am, and made my way to the couch where I slept another 4 hours. When I did get up, I didn’t feel like doing anything. I made myself go to the YMCA, where I got into the whirlpool and sauna. This coupled with the fact that it was sunny and warm (79 degrees) really helped my spirits (and body). We also had dinner delivered by the angel that has been cooking for us on Tuesdays. Now it is evening and I am feeling much better… and grateful for all the things that have turned my day from a rough one to a pleasant one.
On October 6, 2011, my father lost his battle with lung cancer. Soon after, my sister’s best friend lost her father to lung cancer as well. The following spring my sister and her friend suggested that we walk in the Fight for Air Walk to raise money for the American Lung Association. My step-father had also been living with COPD for some time so lung disease was profoundly affecting all of us “girls” (all in our 30’s & 40’s). I thought participating in the walk would help my healing process, so I volunteered to captain the team that we named “Daddies’ Girls.”
My step-father continues his struggle with lung disease and Daddies’ Girls continue to walk. This year will be especially important for me. Not only will I be raising money for a good cause and supporting family and friends affected by lung disease, but I will be walking after being in an accident last fall which left me unable to walk on my own for 2 1/2 months due to multiple fractures in my pelvis and a fractured hip. I also had 9 fractured ribs which made breathing difficult.
I am currently receiving physical therapy to regain the strength in my legs, and the mobility in my hip and knee (which was also broken and lacerated). I also had several other injuries that didn’t affect my ability to walk, but have required rest for the healing process. I began walking on my own a couple of weeks ago, and started focusing on this year’s Fight for Air Walk. I am looking forward to being out in the May sunshine, with my “girls” beside me, as I continue doing something that makes a difference.
I walk because I can.
Today, my hubby posted these pictures on his Facebook page with the words “Buh-bye ramp!” I was grateful for my father-in-law’s labor of love (building my wheelchair ramp after my accident) and now it no longer serves me so it is time to let it go.
The day I was cleared to walk, we returned home from the orthopedist and I asked my husband to leave the wheelchair in the trunk of the car. I was grateful for the loaner from my step-father, and I was ready to release it. I returned it rather than bringing it back into the house.
When it no longer served me, I asked my husband to put my walker out in the garage. The same was true for my tub transfer seat. And I recently put my cane out of sight. It isn’t that these things trigger bad memories. I simply want to keep moving forward, and it seems like getting the things that no longer serve me out of my awareness helps me do just that.